Want to visit the moon but don’t have a spaceship? Dubai to

Name: The moon.

Age: Yet to be born. But it could happen in as little as five years.

Er, it was there last time I looked. And I thought it formed about 4.5bn years ago. Ah, that’ll be the actual moon you’re talking about.

And what are we talking about here? A giant replica moon.

How giant? 200 metres across.

Where? Dubai.

It’s one giant leap for Mansour bin Zayed al-Nahyan … Stop it! It’s a proposal for a $5bn project from a Canadian firm to build a massive moon-shaped hotel in the popular UAE destination.

Sounds very vulgar. Hello? This is Dubai. They’ve already done those palm tree islands, and then the ones in the shapes of the countries of the world, and the tallest building in the world … I guess the moon is the logical next step.

Is it for Moonies? No. Nor should you moon at it; you might go to jail.

Will it be made of cheese? Also, no. Michael Henderson, one of the entrepreneurs behind the project, told Dubai’s Khaleej Times that the facade of the moon structure would be made of carbon fibre, and would replicate the surface of the moon and its craters.

So what’s inside? The usual: a wellness spa, a nightclub, 4,000 “luxury resort suites”, including – take note, Premier League footballers – 300 boutique private residences that will be available to buy.

Any lunar stuff? Of course. There will be loads of space-themed attractions, such as hop-on hop-off rover taxis and spacewalks. The resort’s signature attraction “will enable guests to experience walking on the lunar surface while exploring a vast working lunar colony,” said Henderson.

Cool – how will that work? He didn’t go into too much detail, because of third-party agreements, but he did say: “The astronaut suit you will be wearing on the moon’s lunar surface will provide you with a certain percentage of gravity reduction.”

No way. How’s that even possible, outside of sci-fi? Who knows? Anything’s possible in Dubai, isn’t it? Anyway, they reckon it will attract 10 million visitors a year. Compare that with the 12 people – all white men, obvs – who have set foot on the boring old actual moon.

Has it got the go-ahead then? Ten, nine, eight, seven … Nothing official yet, but Moon World Resorts Inc has plans for four moons in total, across the globe, including Las Vegas.

Do say: “Fly me to the moon / Let me play among the stars.”

Don’t say: “Hang on, won’t there be actual space tourism by then? Think I’ll wait, save up, and go to Mars with Elon.”